When my son was born in 2019, I felt as prepared as any first-time mom could feel. I arranged for my parents to stay with us for the first week, the nursery was set up with all the gear, and we had taken the prenatal classes through the hospital. I had talked to enough moms to know that things like breastfeeding and sleeping could be very challenging. When postpartum depression hit, I realized that I had not prepared enough for this obstacle.
My Depression Symptoms
The night my parents left was the hardest, lowest point. If I could have left my son at a fire station without anyone knowing I had been pregnant, I would have. I knew I needed help. This was more than the “baby blues.” Finding mental health support can be challenging enough without the added complications of being sleep-deprived, recovering from an unplanned c-section, having a newborn who needs constant attention, and crying anytime I had to explain what was going on. I searched online, and I reached out to my OB’s office, the pediatrician’s office, my PCP’s office, and a therapist I had seen years before, only to either hit dead ends or to be given another phone number to call. How could seeking help for a relatively common issue be this difficult?
How I Found Help
The first therapist to call me back didn’t take insurance, but she told me about an intensive day program for mothers and newborns in Rhode Island. The idea of driving over two hours with my newborn every day made that a very undesirable option, but at least I knew it existed if I couldn’t find help elsewhere. That therapist also recommended First Connections in Acton. This is an organization that offers a free support group for women struggling with postpartum depression or anxiety (and many other wonderful resources for parents). Socializing in any form felt like a huge undertaking, but eventually, I reached out to get more information.
Another therapist got back to me and gave me the name of a therapist who specialized in women’s mental health. That therapist emailed me back and said that an appointment was available within a week. My PCP called me at 7:00pm one night and spent about half an hour on the phone with me. She was amazingly supportive and prescribed medicine to help my mood. The combination of the call with my PCP, the first appointment with a therapist, and joining First Connections’ support group gave me the hope that things would get better. It was still a long road, which included adding a second medication, but slowly I started to feel more like myself and got used to the ups and downs of motherhood.
Fears of Experiencing Postpartum Depression Again
Despite having always wanted multiple children (at one point I used to say I wanted five to fifteen!), it took me almost two years to imagine having another baby. I was terrified to go through a similar postpartum experience. I was still seeing the therapist (less frequently by that point) and taking two medications for depression. Determined to be more prepared for my second, I put a plan in place in case PPD hit again.
Here is what our plan looked like as I prepared for our second baby after postpartum depression with our first:
Planned C-Section
After discussions with my OB, I decided to have a planned c-section with my second in part because the idea of going through a long labor and ending up with another c-section anyway seemed like it would be setting me up for a more challenging birth and postpartum experience. My c-section recovery was relatively easy the first time, and I was comfortable going through it again. Plus, having a date picked out made planning care for my toddler during my hospital stay easier.
Expert Advice About Medication
I consulted with a psychiatrist from the Center for Women’s Mental Health at MGH, who specialized in psychiatric disorders during pregnancy and postpartum, I decided that during my second pregnancy, I would stay on one of the two depression medications I was currently taking. I would restart the second one at the hospital as soon as I gave birth rather than wait to see how the first couple of weeks went.
Schedule Professional Help.
Before I had the baby, I set up appointments with my psychiatrist and therapist for about a week after my scheduled c-section. I also made more frequent appointments for the next few months.
Support Groups
I reached out to the facilitator of First Connections’ Emotional Wellbeing After Baby group a week after my second was born and rejoined right away. My psychiatrist told me about another support group through MGH that was beginning a couple of weeks after my second was born, so I joined that one too.
Use Your Spouse’s Parental Leave
Fortunately, my husband had several weeks of parental leave after both babies. For our first, we had planned on him taking about two weeks off as I recovered and we acclimated to being parents, and then saving the rest to use after my twelve weeks of maternity leave. Because I was struggling so much, he wound up taking all his leave at the beginning. For our second, we decided to plan on him using all the time at the beginning again.
Prioritize & Plan Sleep
With our first, I quickly realized the impact of sleep (or lack thereof) on my mental health. When planning for our second, we knew that I did better taking the first night shift as the night owl in the couple, and then it was essential that I got at least 4-5 hours of sleep while my husband took the next shift.
Socialize
In the throes of PPD with my first, I was so ashamed of how I felt that I resisted seeing people. I realized that this mentality had only made me feel more isolated and depressed. So after having my second, I scheduled walks and lowkey coffee dates once or twice a week.
For me, simply having experienced the rhythm of life with a newborn before was invaluable the second time around. I experienced new challenges with my second (he had a milk protein allergy, reflux, and a swallowing issue that meant he screamed for pretty much the first three months of life, and now I had a toddler competing for my attention too). But this time, I had living proof that this phase doesn’t last forever and I could handle it. It’s okay if the newborn phase isn’t my favorite because the next phase will be here soon.
